Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
with pipe-cleaner legs and a face like a spray-painted skull to toss
my bag on his head, and another man who resembled Albert
Einstein's unwashed and unsuccessful twin to haul me by the elbow
through the Babel and Bedlam of Bombay's professional greeters
and over to a car no one in the West would have taken off his hands
as a gift.
Painted black and yellow by hand, it appeared, with ordinary
household exterior gloss some decades previously, the vehicle
reminded me of a British car popular in the fifties. In fact, India in
those days featured only two varieties of automobile: this contraption,
the Ambassador, a hybrid Hindustan Motors edition of a four-door
Austin now vanished; and the Premier Padmini, sleeker but tinnier,
a mutation of some Fiat sedan that had disappeared from European
streets by 1963.
Though plush and springy to look at, the Ambassador's back seat
yields as little comfort to its passengers as concrete. Combined with
an apparent lack of any suspension system, it made riding in the car
feel like driving across the moon. I also noticed the floor consisted
of blasted metal patched with planks from fruit crates, below which
the pitted road was actually visible. Leaving the sinister sodium
glare of the airport lights behind us, we turned onto a metalled
surface whose camber was so drastic the whole track could well
have been a partially buried oil pipeline; at times I was forced to
lean at forty-five degrees to remain upright.
Then there was The Smell.
Initially, I assumed that the failed Einstein, clutching his steering
wheel as if it might fly off unless sufficiently restrained, had produced
a silent epic of a fart. But, cranking down the window, which failed
to budge at first, then fell from sight like a guillotine, I realised The
Smell was in fact crowding in, was indeed worse outside than it was
inside.
Off beyond the road now stretched miles of huts like ramshackle
wood, corrugated tin and tar-paper dog kennels, or tents left over
from the Crimean War, crammed together side by side. Fires burned
brightly or faintly in front of them, smoke rising, vague forms
scuttling in the half-light. The Bustees, these were Bombay's slums,
Bombay's famous shame. A North American rat lives better than
