Read Me - Lauren Ipsum: A Story About Computer Science and Other Improbable Things - page 38

“You are unhiding the message!”
“Really? I mean, see? I told you I could do it.”
“You are wonderful, Xor! Can you get closer to the paper?”
“If I were any closer, I'd be behind it!”
Word by word, they unscrambled the message. But even then it didn't make much sense:
L AUREN I PSUM , G REETINGS ! W ITHOUT A DOUBT, YOU ARE THE MOST INTERESTING VISITOR TO U SERLAND
IN A LONG TIME . B UT YOU HAVE MANY LABORS AND SETBACKS AHEAD IF YOU KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE
DOING . R EMEMBER, THE MAP IS NOT THE TERRITORY!
Y OUR H UMBLE S ERVANT ,
C OLONEL T RAPP
“Labors and setbacks? The map is not the territory? What does that even mean?” Laurie
asked.
“I once heard of a king who wanted to make a perfect map of his territory,” said Xor.
“Why did he want to do that?”
“Kings always want something silly, like a topic about everything or a chariot with no weak
parts,” he said. “This king decided that he wanted a perfect map as large as his kingdom.
That way, the royal cartographers could fit everything in, down to the last pebble and flower.
It took seven whole years to finish it. But it was a disaster!”
“Why? What happened?” Laurie asked.
“As a map, it didn't work very well. To measure the distance between two places, you had to
travel exactly that distance,” the lizard explained. “By that time you were already there.”
“Where did they even put such a big map?”
“That was the other thing. King Borges had only one kingdom, so there was nowhere to put
the map except right where it was. It was a huge bother, what with the map sitting on top of
people's houses, and none of the crops could grow. The people finally overthrew the king
and tore up the map. They say you can still see huge pieces of paper blowing around in the
desert.”