Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
In my slightly dizzy state, this question caused the sudden, bizarre image to come to
mind of a remote Highland road buffeted by driving rain, with a nice easy chair and a
standard lamp with tassels on the shade sitting in the middle of the tarmac.
'Pardon?'
'Were any signs or crash barriers affected, sir? Any fences, that sort of thing?'
'Nothing. All the damage was to my car. Oh, and a dirty great rock about the size of
a washing machine; think I hit that when I first left the road. It sort of tumbled into the
ditch.'
(I had the firm intention of having a brass plaque made to stick on this rock, com-
memorating the death of the P-reg 911, but before I got round to this the council cleared
and re-formed all the ditches on that stretch of road, and my boulder disappeared.)
'But there's nothing blocking the road, or any damage to anything else at the road-
side?'
'Nope.'
'Well, you're actually through to the Inverness control centre here, Mr Banks, because
the officer who'd normally deal with this sort of thing in Fort William is away. If you're
sure you're all right we'll just leave it at that. Have you called anybody to remove the car
from the roadside?'
'I'm going to call the AA next.'
'Well, that should be all right then. I don't think we need take any further action.'
'You mean you're not sending anybody out?'
'I don't think it's necessary if everything's as you say.'
'Oh,' I said. 'Okay then. Right. Bye then.'
I felt cheated. I called the AA. They said it'd be about an hour before they could get
to me, and so, standing in the bar at the Stronlossit a little later, talking to the sympathetic
young barman, I ordered a large glass of Laphroaig and a cigar. Might as well celebrate
my narrow escape, I thought. I had the cigar between my fingers and the glass at my lips
when the door opened and an AA man looked in. 'There a Mr Banks here?'
I looked at the barman; he looked at me. I sighed and pushed the whisky over to him
and left the cigar beside it. 'Here; be my guest.'
The AA guy found he couldn't tow the 911 on its undamaged wheels because it didn't
have any and so had to call a local breakdown company with a ramped flatbed truck and
a winch. I got a lift into Fort William and then a taxi to Glenfinnan, carrying the stuff I'd
rescued from the car. I finally did get a whisky, sitting in Les and Aileen's house while
Les answered a call from Ann, making sure I was still okay.
'… aye, he mentioned he took a bump to the head,' Les said, standing in the hall look-
ing in at me. There was a pause while he listened to whatever Ann was saying in response
to this, then he told her, 'No, he's telling the truth; no bleeding or anything.' A further
