Day 2 - As I was going to St Ives - Free Country: A Penniless Adventure the Length of Britain - page 28

'Would it be possible,' continued Ben, 'for us to rent a speedboat, for free, so that we
can fully experience St Ives?'
'Errr, ok,' said the man, not really knowing what else to say.
'I can't find the accelerator,' I said to St Ives' version of CJ from Baywatch who had
helped us into the boat. Unfortunately, though, she was a he and he had considerably more
chest hair, though with similar sized boobs.
'There is no accelerator,' he said. 'It has a fixed speed and you pull this cord to stop it.'
'Shit,' whispered Ben, 'this thing might get out of control.' In reality, he need not have
worried. I could have swum faster than that boat. Its slowness was excruciating. Still, we
were cruising around the bay in a 'speedboat' we had borrowed for free. We couldn't com-
plain.
It was in these very waters that a great white shark was supposedly spotted in August
2007. Experts were quick to point out that it was more likely to be a harmless porbeagle
shark or a basking shark. At around the same time, there were similar sightings of a great
white shark in Newquay. 52-year-old security guard Kevin Keeble came forward with a
picture depicting a great white with bloodied teeth, fresh from a kill. He claimed to have
taken the picture in the waters off Newquay and the local paper ran the photo on its front
page. The story was soon featured in The Sun and various other national media. Kevin
Keeble later admitted that the photo had been taken during a fishing trip in South Africa
and he had only meant it as a joke.
Themostexcitingthingwesawonourboattripwasadeadseagull.Well,weassumedit
was dead. Either that or it was swimming on its back, with its head underwater, and a hole
in its body.
WespoketoCJforawhile after returning theboat,andasked himifhehadanysugges-
tions of where we might find some bikes.
'There'safarmafewmilesoutofStIveswhereaguydoesupoldbikestosell,'hesaid.
'His name is Badcock. Roger Badcock.' Ben sniggered at the name. 'Be warned, though,
he'squiteastrangeblokeandifheinvitesyouinforacupoftea,Iwoulddefinitelyrefuse.'
'How come?' asked Ben, still grinning at the name Roger Badcock.
'Putitthisway.It'sthekindofhousewhereyouhavetowipeyourfeetonthewayout.'
Wehadclothesandshoes,buttherewereafewothersuppliesthatwethoughtwewould
need along the way. First up was an ice cream. Yes, I know an ice cream is hardly a ne-
cessity, but we were at the seaside and everyone was eating them. As the old adage goes:
'When in St Ives, do as the St Ivans do'. With a bit of sweet-talking we got two delicious
Cornish ice creams from a very puzzled lady in the ice cream shop.
We prepared ourselves a mental shopping list.