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'Are ye takin the pish? Ye want free burgers?' she said with a laugh.
'Errr, yeah, I guess so. I know it sounds cheeky, but we're decent blokes, I promise,' I
said hopefully.
'Alrecht. Tak' a seat an' I'll brin' them ower tae ye,' she laughed.
Not only did she bring us a burger each, but fries, milkshakes and a couple of bags of
crisps. She stood chatting to us for a while as we ate.
'Ae ye boys got any sort ay raincoat?' she asked.
'We've got a couple of bin-liners that we got in Carlisle this morning,' said Ben.
'Hang oan thaur. I'll gie ye some e'en bigger ones,' she said, and disappeared back be-
hind the counter. Ben and I smirked at each other convinced that there was no way she
could trump the bin-liners we already had. We were wrong.
'Hoo abit these bad jimmies?' she said, holding up the most ridiculously big bin bags
we had ever seen.
'Oh my god. What do you use bags that big for?' I asked.
'I've got nae idea. They sent us them frae heed office, but they're far tay big e'en fur th'
wheelie bins 'at we use. Ah hink they might be body bags.'
'Let's hope not,' said Ben. 'Thanks, Pam. These are amazing.'
We sat and drank our milkshakes as slowly as possible, to delay our return to the cold,
wet world outside.
It was 3.30pm by the time I suggested that we leave.
'Do we really have to do more cycling today?' asked Ben.
'We've only done about 35 miles today. We were hoping to do at least 70.'
'But it's been pissing it down all day. It's no fun cycling when the weather's like this.'
'I know, but it would be good to do a few more miles today, because then that's less we
have to do for the rest of the trip.'
'How many miles are you thinking?' asked Ben dejectedly.
'20-25?.'
'Oh bloody hell. You're such a masochist. Where will another 20 miles take us?'
I looked at the route book, and it was clear that there was very little in the way of civil-
isation until Kilmarnock, which was almost 70 miles away.
'I'm not sure. There looks like there are plenty of places we pass through,' I lied. 'How
about we aim for the town of Moniaive, which is less than 20 miles away?'
'Give me that!' said Ben, snatching the topic from me.
'There's bugger all on the route for bloody miles. We'll end up getting stranded in the
middleofnowhereinthispissingweather,'saidBen,becomingincreasinglyfrustratedwith
my stubbornness.
'Let's at least get to Moniaive. Tomorrow you'll be glad you did it.'
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