Day 8 - Newent Onion Fayre - Free Country: A Penniless Adventure the Length of Britain - page 110

He ran Halloween trailer rides each year called 'Frightmare' , which included a visit to
the pumpkin patch, a haunted hayride and a trip to a ghostly cottage. He also organised
train rides, Easter egg hunts, birthday parties, Santa's grotto and farm tours. My personal
favourite was the Living Pizza Field . Rob had created a huge round field, and then divided
itupinto12pizza-likeslices.Eachsliceofthefieldgrewingredientsusedtomakeapizza,
including wheat, onions (of course), garlic, tomatoes, sweet corn, olives, herbs and even
cows, chickens and pigs. The idea was that children could go and learn more about where
foodcamefrom,andhowitiscreated.Havingthefieldsetoutintheshapeofapizzamade
it easier for them to relate to. Children then got to cook a homemade pizza in Rob's spe-
cially created pizza kitchen with a traditional wood-fired pizza oven. It was the work of a
genius.
We piled the pickup and trailer high with crates of vegetables, fruit and eggs. We then
had to balance ourselves and the produce whilst standing up in the back of the pickup.
As we continued back up the track, the sun was rising and had cast its morning glow
over the fields. At this point, an ostrich began running alongside the pickup truck. It was
like being in Africa. Sort of.
Newent town centre was bustling when we arrived; stallholders were frantically getting
their stuff ready, fairground rides were being assembled, gazebos erected, stages built, PA
systems tested.
Rob left us in charge of transforming a pickup and trailer load of vegetables into an at-
tractive and presentable market stall. Ben honoured himself with the title of Director of
Vegetable Aesthetics and gave me the title of Chief Vegetable Arranger .
I soon established that this involved Ben pointing to where each pile of vegetables
shouldgo,andinstructingmetodoalloftheactuallifting.I'mprettysureBendidn'tmake
physical contact with a single vegetable during the entire operation.
Without wishing to boast, I soon discovered that I had a natural talent for vegetable ar-
ranging. It's a skill that I had never had the opportunity to fully realise. Sweet corn husks
were stacked like a brick wall, carrots and leeks were laid out in majestic fan shapes, and
bags of onions were elegantly suspended from hooks under the archway. Ben nodded ap-
provingly and barked orders about more onions here, and fewer parsnips there.
When our work was done, we set off to see what else the Newent Onion Fayre had to
offer. We were interrupted by the sound of a town crier's bell.
'Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! Good people of Newent, you are gathered here today for the
Newent Onion Fayre. Shortly, our guest of honour Würzel - from the rock group Motör-
head - will be performing on the main stage.'
What was that? Würzel, from the heavy metal group Motörhead , was going to be per-
forming at the Newent Onion Fayre? It was all very surreal.