Travel Reference
In-Depth Information
listen for cues and be sensitive to how far, at each point, they
are willing to go.
A PARISIAN FRIEND
It may take time to make Parisian friends, but once you have
made them, they will be loyal for life, going out of their way
for you, including you in group dinners at a bistro, in their
walks at the Bois de Boulogne or at their evenings at the
Opéra Bastille.
If you are from a culture that is immediately welcoming
and effusive, but which doesn't translate into deep
friendships, you will be pleasantly surprised. Parisians are
true friends. But this does not mean that you will be invited
into their homes right away, for that takes time. And when
you are, it doesn't mean you may then drop in without being
invited. It does not mean that you will use the familiar
tu
(you) to address each other. It does not mean that any of the
social rules may be broken (even if you do not know what
they are until you have broken them). It does not mean that
they will think your joke is funny if it isn't in their culture.
And it does not mean you can be overly intimate, which
is worse than not being friendly enough. The Parisians
you come to know may enjoy your company and begin
to be comfortable with you, but they still can only act like
themselves—French.
So don't stereotype people according to the one or two
Parisians who might not respond to your overtures. Most
Parisians will look at you as an individual, no matter what
they think of the politics of your country. If they see someone
who is trying to fit into society, who is genuinely open to
understanding Paris and who tries to follow 'The Paris rules'
(see pages 64-65), they will look at you as an individual.
With each person you come to know, you will have to
judge
petit à petit
how much to tell and how much to ask.
Err on the minimal side. The French are astounded when
foreigners—especially the open, gregarious Americans—
divulge too early in a budding relationship aspects of their
lives that they tell only their oldest friends. Actually, they are
just as curious as you are; they just don't show it. It is still best
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