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I got first. I told the high school girl I was engaged to be married and bound by faithfulness
but would surely appreciate the, you know, special relief. She sighed and said I was engaged to
a very lucky girl. Gee, to have a guy who would be that faithful.
Randy went fifth, so he had time to walk over to the vending machine to get the girl a
Coke, since she'd want something bubbly after so much mayo, and he was a service-oriented
guy.
It's only a strange story till it fast forwards a dozen years or so, when Randy Mutton wooed
and won Betty Boop. Sick and tired of menial jobs, reaching the age of routine or risk, he
made his move. His friends laughed. Randy laughed too; he cut such a funny picture at his
wheeled stand with stainless bins and Sterno cans to heat his hotdogs and buns behind a bank
of squeeze bottles out front: mustard, ketchup and relish. The awning read:
Hotdogs $2.
Business was spotty, so he altered the awning:
De Luxe Kosher Hotdogs $2.
With a slight bump in sales, he tweaked the awning again:
Kosher dogs like you get at the ball park $2.50.
Sensing progress he evolved to:
Mutton Dogs De Luxe Ball Park Kosher FOOOOOT LONG! $4.
He got a steamer for the buns and added beans for two dollars more. He went to the three-
tier bean upgrade on another sign that dangled from the awning on metal rings:
Fartless Beans $2. Fartful Beans $3.
Sudden Death Beans $5.
When Sudden Death Beans made the local paper, Randy went to a new awning with a
starburst:
$10 Sudden Death Combo De Luxe includes Cola of Choice.
People approached murmuring yeah, this is the place. So Randy built another stand, and then
another.
Mutton Dog stands peppering the greater Houston area and then the region led to the An-
nual Mutton Dog Sudden Death Fart Of. A significant segment of the Lone Star State laugh-
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